


Snap out of it!

by Blackghost7



Category: NCIS
Genre: "heartbreak with a happy ending", Episode: s06e18 Knockout, Getting Together, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 14:26:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3071492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackghost7/pseuds/Blackghost7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This enticing exchange between Tony and Gibbs always fascinated me. This is what I made of it.<br/>Can be read without having seen the episode… at least, as long as you know about the head slaps! :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snap out of it!

6.18 Knockout

 

Slap!

"I forgot what that feels like. It's been a while since…"

"Yeah, I know."

"… physical contact."

"I... Know."

"You know?… You know. Any advice?"

Slap!

"Snap out of it!"

"I have no response to that."

 

   
~~~~~  
   
   
   
And he really didn’t have a response to it, not at that moment anyway. But the words lingered in the back of his mind over the next couple of days, and his anger at them was rising steadily. That Friday night he was lounging on his sofa, not really watching the movie that was playing, his mind preoccupied with what Gibbs had said. He was on his third beer when he started muttering to himself.  
   
“Snap out of it, he says. That bastard. Snap out of it. Ha!”  
   
By the time he chugged the remnants of his fourth beer, he was pacing the floor of his apartment, and the muttering had turned into loudly voiced exclamations.  
   
“Snap out of it! That’s the sage advice! He knows, and after what he’s done, the great counsel of Gibbs is to snap out of it! Just snap out of it!”  
   
Angry and frustrated, he called a cab to come pick him up. Shrugging on his coat, he knew it wasn’t the wisest thing to do since he had a couple of beers in him, but maybe that was just what he needed. It was alcohol that had gotten him into this in the first place anyway, so maybe the fact that he was running mostly on alcohol now too was just the ticket to get him out again. Or at least it would give him enough false courage to speak the words that had been running through his mind ever since it happened. He’d held out hope that Gibbs’ might change his mind, but it was clear now that that wasn’t going to happen. So maybe Tony should just finish this once and for all, and if need be, he would start looking for a new job come Monday. When the cab arrived, he gave Gibbs’ address and stared out of the window the entire way, muttering again derisively: “Snap out of it…”  
   
~~~~~  
   
A couple of months ago, Tony had been down in Gibbs’ basement, both men blowing off steam in their usual way, Gibbs sanding, Tony babbling, both drinking. Beers had turned into bourbon at some point, and they had both been steadily consuming the amber liquid. The mood between them was relaxed and easy, and when Gibbs finally tired of sanding, he poured himself another drink. Tony got up from his perch on the basement stairs to get some more too, and Gibbs laughed when he saw the unsteady way in which his agent was stumbling over to him.  
   
“I think you’ve had enough, Tony.”  
“No more than you.” “I handle it better.”  
   
But when Gibbs turned to put the bottle away, out of Tony’s reach, he had a little stumble himself and could barely keep himself standing, gripping at the workbench. Tony laughed in turn.  
   
“Right, Boss, you’re handling it mighty fine.”  
“Careful Tony, or I’ll come over there to head slap you.” “I’m not worried. You’d probably miss anyway.”  
   
But Gibbs didn’t miss. Making his way over to Tony, he delivered the slap, but it was more like a tap and a short caress than an actual slap. Steadying each other, they found their way up the basement stairs.  
   
Once upstairs, Tony huffed out a breath and said he should probably call a cab, to which Gibbs objected and told his agent that he was staying over. Climbing the next set of stairs up to the bedrooms required a joint effort, and when they finally safely reached the landing, Tony started turning to the guest room. Gibbs held his arm to stop him and dragged him into the master bedroom instead, explaining that the guest room was full of boxes and Tony couldn’t sleep there. The alcohol dulling his mind, Tony just shrugged in acceptance. Taking turns brushing their teeth and using the head, they stripped, both men struggling with getting their pants off their legs without falling over, laughing at each other’s efforts, before falling into bed. Both fell asleep in seconds, a soft snoring the only sound heard for a couple of hours after that.  
   
When Tony woke up, light was just starting to peer around the edges of the curtains. He snuggled deeper into the warm body he was pressed up against, aroused and heated. Not one to waste a chance at pleasure, he started kissing along the shoulder and neck he found beneath his mouth, then moved up to reach the lips he wanted to taste. Finding them, he started kissing and nibbling them, until he felt them respond to his ministrations. When the lips opened, he slid his tongue inside the hot mouth now available to him, and danced his tongue around it, swirling against its counterpart. Almost lost in the kiss, he smiled against the lips when a deep groan of pleasure escaped the mouth and hands came up to cup his head. Opening his eyes to look at his bedmate, he froze when he saw it was Gibbs. Instantly panicking, he wondered how he could explain this to his boss, but then Gibbs started kissing him again and Tony’s heart sang. Closing his eyes, Tony lost himself completely.  
   
He had been in love with Gibbs for so long, never thinking he had a chance with the older man, never getting any hint that Gibbs might want him too in that way. But here he was, being thoroughly kissed by his boss and feeling Gibbs’ arousal pressing against him. Continuing the kissing, Tony let his hands roam the muscular chest he so admired, running his fingers through the silver chest hair and playing with the nipples buried beneath, rolling them between thumb and forefinger, eliciting more pleasured groaning from the older man. Moving down, Tony pressed kisses along Gibbs’ jaw and neck, finding the sensitive spots and making full use of them to arouse the man even more. Continuing his downward path, Tony pressed kisses to shoulders and chest, until he reached the nipples he’d been playing with, replacing his fingers with his mouth on first one and then the other. Gibbs’ hands stroked through his hair and over his shoulders, his hips bucking up against Tony every now and then, stroking his erection against Tony’s belly.  
   
Gibbs opened his thighs to accommodate Tony better, and Tony licked and sucked and nibbled his way down Gibbs’ belly to find the hardness he longed to taste. Finally reaching Gibbs’ cock, Tony almost reverently put one hand around it and stroked it a few times, excited by the feel of it in his hand and the look of it. Now for a taste. Licking his way slowly from balls to tip along the vein on the underside, Tony closed his eyes in pleasure when he finally wrapped his lips around the head and tasted the fluid leaking from it. Rubbing his tongue along the sensitive rim of the foreskin, then pressing into the leaking slit, he moaned at the taste, his own sounds matched by those coming from the older man. Stroking his hand along the shaft, Tony sucked Gibbs down further, bringing up his other hand to play with the heavy balls beneath. It was a veritable feast to Tony, and he treated it as such. He reveled in the feel and taste, and worked his mouth down further and further until he at last buried his nose in the silver hair surrounding the base of the cock he was worshipping. Humming in pleasure around the shaft in his mouth and throat, he felt Gibbs nearly lose it, the older man’s fingers digging deep into his shoulders. Then Gibbs tangled his fingers into Tony’s hair and pulled him off and up and back to his lips so he could taste himself in the younger man’s mouth.  
   
Disappointed to lose the delicious cock, Tony quickly overcame the sense of loss when Gibbs’ tongue invaded his mouth. Gibbs’ hands stroked and kneaded Tony’s flesh and muscles while his tongue thrust into his mouth, making Tony think of Gibbs’ dick thrusting into his ass. Seemingly having the same idea, Gibbs broke the kiss for a moment to reach over to the bedside table drawer to get lube, then flipped Tony onto his back and covered the younger man’s body with his, giving him the same treatment Tony had used on Gibbs. And when the older man reached Tony’s dick and sucked it down, he slicked his fingers and rubbed over Tony’s entrance a few times before sliding one digit in. Tony moaned and writhed in pleasure as Gibbs worked him open, bucking up involuntarily when Gibbs, now using two fingers, found his sweet spot and nudged it a couple of times. Feeling Tony’s cock jerk in his mouth, Gibbs released the hard flesh, not wanting the younger man to come yet. Tony’s throat was now emitting a continuous keening moan that only served to fire Gibbs’ arousal further. Replacing two fingers with three, he continued to work Tony’s ass, until he could no longer contain himself and crawled up Tony’s body, lining up and sliding in.  
   
Tony gasped in surprised pleasure when Gibbs breached him and pushed in all the way in one long slow stroke, filling him completely. The burn and stretch added to his enjoyment, and he started panting in arousal. Gibbs held still, waiting for Tony to adjust to the feel of him, and only started pulling out when he felt Tony grasp his hips to start him moving. Setting a fast rhythm, Gibbs thrust deeply into the younger man, hitting his sweet spot over and over. Knowing he wouldn’t last long, Tony firmly grasped his own dick and squeezed the base tightly, trying to prolong his pleasure. Only when he felt Gibbs speed up, his thrusts becoming erratic, did Tony release his tight grip and started stroking himself instead, his hand quickly batted away by Gibbs who took over the stroking, bringing Tony swiftly over the edge. As Tony threw his head back against the pillows and arched his back up off the mattress while he came, Gibbs continued stroking and thrusting until he too found his release, spilling into Tony in long, thick spurts. Collapsing onto the younger man, Gibbs pressed kisses to his shoulder and neck, feeling Tony’s hands caressing him as they both came down from their high. Rolling them over, Gibbs lay on his back, and Tony curled up around him, caressing Gibbs’ chest and kissing his shoulder. And just before Tony fell into a deep sated sleep, he unconsciously mumbled: “I love you, Jethro, I love you so much.”  
   
The next time Tony woke up, he was alone in the bed. Only slightly disappointed, he stretched his limbs, his entire body feeling heavy with pleasure. Taking a quick shower, he dressed and then practically bounced down the stairs in search of the man he loved. Finding Gibbs in the kitchen, coffee in hand and reading the newspaper, Tony’s face broke out in a wide smile and his heart pounded with love. Before Tony could reach the older man, Gibbs looked up at him and spoke.

“I think you should leave now, DiNozzo.”  
   
Freezing in place, Tony stared at the older man in shock. He stood there for long minutes, trying to understand, trying to read Gibbs to find out what was going on. Not getting anywhere with that, he finally forced himself to move, to turn around, to grab his coat and leave the house, to walk down the street and away, away, away, forced himself to keep moving even as his heart was breaking, shattering into a million tiny pieces that tore through his body like so many tiny shards of glass, shredding him from the inside out and leaving a bloody and broken mess behind. He walked all the way back to his apartment, his legs and feet aching with the strain, but Tony didn’t feel a thing. Sinking down on his sofa and staring into space, he was numb. He could form no thoughts, could not make himself move, and as the afternoon turned to evening, to night, and to morning again, he sat there, frozen like a statue, dead inside.  
   
Finally forcing himself to move, his motions automatic and without conscious thought, Tony went into his bedroom and undressed, then stepped into the shower. He stood under the hot spray for a while, then sank down to sit and curl up into himself, the hot water cascading over him, drowning him almost. He didn’t break down, he didn’t cry, he didn’t think. Only when the water had turned icy, did he get up and out, toweling off carelessly, attributing the shivering to the coldness of the spray instead of his emotional state. Drinking some water and brushing his teeth, he put himself to bed. Sinking into numb sleep, he woke up in time the following morning to go to the office.  
   
The next week and a half, Tony functioned on autopilot. The numbness persisted and he barely spoke other than when required for work, and hardly ate. As soon as he got home in the evenings, he retreated to his bed, lying on his back, eyes wide open staring at the ceiling for hours before he finally fell asleep. He had dark circles under his eyes and visibly lost weight. The team eyed him worriedly, but got no response to their questions. Gibbs paid no attention to him, but Tony didn’t notice.  
   
He broke in the evening of the eleventh day. Having gone to bed as usual, he lay awake staring unseeing at the ceiling for a while, then abruptly got up and went to the kitchen and got himself a beer. After sipping at it for a while, the bottle barely halfway empty, his arm suddenly moved of its own accord and smashed the bottle to pieces on the kitchen counter. Staring at the mess a few minutes, he sighed and cleaned it up, then went back to bed. This time he fell asleep immediately, waking in the morning with new resolve.  
   
He dressed immaculately, took extra care fixing his hair and his smile, then went to the office, his armor firmly in place. He joked with McGee, teased Ziva, hugged Abby and convinced Ducky and Palmer that he was fine. Mask fixed, his friends did not see through how brittle his smile became as the day wore on, or that his joking developed a desperate edge. Gibbs did not acknowledge him, and Tony returned the favor. In the evening, he was worn out from pretending, but that just helped him sleep. It became a little easier every following day to maintain his façade, until finally he wasn’t exhausted by it anymore. His smiles became more real again, his jokes less forced.

Even though Tony returned to his old self - well, his old mask - slowly over the weeks that followed, Gibbs saw the cracks and his heart ached for it. He knew he had made a huge mistake, but didn't know how to fix it. He was deliberately keeping away from Tony, trying not to spook him, trying to keep things the same as always. Like the old days, when he ignored his attraction to Tony, hid his love for the younger man, and did not let himself indulge by slapping the younger man just so he could feel the soft strands of Tony's hair slide between his fingers. 

As the weeks turned into months, Gibbs saw Tony pull himself together, and turn back into the playboy he'd always claimed to be. He heard about the dates, even if they never found out how these dates turned out, and he figured he'd lost his chance. Gibbs had never been one to talk about feelings, never been one to open up, and it was costing him now. With a suppressed sigh, Gibbs realized that it was costing him more now than it had ever cost him with his ex-wives, simply because this time it concerned Tony. And he had long since admitted to himself that his love for Tony far outshone the affection he'd had for his exes. It had been difficult to admit that what he felt for Tony was on the same level as what he'd had with Shannon, and ultimately that was what had caused this rift between them. When Tony had curled around him after their love-making and unconsciously revealed his love for Gibbs, he had unknowingly mimicked the exact same words and moves that Shannon had made that last night they had spent together. And that was what had freaked Gibbs into his heartless dismissal. He couldn't face losing someone else who meant that much to him, who made his life worth living. And with his track record, losing Tony was a given.

But as soon as he had seen Tony's expression as the younger man left after being sent away that callously, Gibbs had known that the one thing he was trying to avoid was what he had accomplished on his own by his behavior. He had been extremely worried about Tony in the next couple of weeks, his detached attitude, his robotic answers to Gibbs' work-related demands. He saw the change when Tony hid behind his armor, heard the edge of his jokes, saw the brittleness of his smile. But he didn't dare intervene, knowing he was the reason for it. Gibbs hardly slept anymore, burying himself in the basement, but where the team was openly expressing concern for Tony, no one seemed to notice Gibbs was falling apart too. It didn't surprise him, he'd had more years than Tony to perfect his masks, and the only one who had ever been able to see through him was Tony, who understandably was ignoring him now. And then, finally, came the moment that changed it all. Tony ranting his movie references, and in front of someone who was either a witness or a suspect, had at last made Gibbs lose his self-control. The head slap hit without mercy.

Slap!

"I forgot what that feels like," Tony said, looking at Gibbs with an almost grateful expression on his face. "It's been a while since…"

"Yeah, I know," Gibbs interjected.

"… physical contact," Tony finished, studying his boss intently.

"I... Know." Gibbs enunciated each syllable, trying to make it clear.

"You know…?" Tony asked, searching Gibbs' eyes and finally, after all these months, seeing the truth there. Gibbs knew that Tony was in love with him. He had no idea of exactly how Gibbs knew, not remembering the words he'd muttered after their love-making, but he knew what Gibbs meant.

"You know." It was more a confirmation to himself than a need to confirm anything to Gibbs.

"Any advice?" Tony asked, hoping against hope.

Slap!

"Snap out of it!" Gibbs snapped. 

Not understanding what Gibbs really meant by that, Tony lost his momentum and Gibbs walked away before he could reply.

"I have no response to that."

~~~~~

So here he was in Gibbs' basement, facing the man, buzzed from the beers he'd had, ready at last for this final confrontation, a final show down, just like in the movies. He would either emerge victorious, or go down in flames. Leaning heavily towards the second option, he railed against it, rallying his forces, even if they were only the false courage of the beers inside of him. 

"Snap out of it?"

Silence.

"Snap out of it?!"

More silence.

"Snap out of it, you said! You know how I feel, and you say to snap out of it! That's your great advice! Snap out of it! Well, yeah, that's really gonna work! I've fucking loved you for years, and you tell me to snap out of it?? On it, Boss! Ready, Boss! Snapped OUT OF IT, Boss!! What the fuck were you thinking??!! You really think you can make love to me like that - and it's no use lying, I know you too well. You fucking MADE LOVE to me!! - and then tell me to leave and SNAP OUT OF IT??!!"

Gibbs looked at the beautiful young man he loved, admiring his passion and bravery, and feeling his heart break all over again, as it had many times before, at the hurt Tony was so freely sharing here. His emotions were choking him, and he felt a faint glimmer rise that maybe, just maybe, they'd be okay.

"Snap out of it… That's your fucking great advice?! Snap out of it… Really!! I never tried before, Boss! In all these years, I never tried to suppress it, or find someone else, or just plain ignore what I felt!" Tony's tone was certainly sarcastic now, and Gibbs' heart didn't know whether to break in sorrow or surge in hope.

"Really! Snap out of it…" Tony trailed off, looking away.

Not able to take any more, Gibbs wrapped his arms around the reluctant younger man, holding him close and covering him in apologetic kisses. In between kisses, Gibbs told Tony about the last night he'd spent with Shannon, and what Tony had said to him after Gibbs had made love to him, Tony starting to understand. But even though Tony was softening a little, there was still this rage churning within him. At last, he looked at Gibbs and put some distance between them.

Tony's fist connected with force, and admiration was the first emotion that Gibbs felt. It had been a perfect hit, minimal damage to Tony's hand, but maximum damage to Gibbs' eye. Feeling the pain and the swelling already start, Gibbs laughed.

Staring at the man he loved, the man he'd just decked, Tony watched in amazement when he heard the laughing. Feeling he was at least on his way to forgiveness, Gibbs relished the pain of the punch. While it hurt more than any attack he'd ever sustained, he realized that that had more to do with the emotional pain than the physical one. Still, Tony had made him proud. And when he saw the look in Tony's eyes, a mixture of pain, resentment and love, he knew they'd be alright. Tony would still be angry with him for a while, and had every right to be, but eventually the younger man would forgive him, and fully understand.

Knowing that this was not the end of it, that they had a lot more to talk about and figure out, Tony still couldn't keep the plea to himself. 

"Please, Jethro, make love to me again?"

"Always, Tony. I love you."

And they knew that eventually, they would be alright.


End file.
